Come home

Why does friendship have to be so hard? I mean seriously. It's not that hard to be nice to somebody. That's how friends are made. When you're nice to somebody you just grow this friendship. I've had quite a few best friends. Strangely, all of them have ended and I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I learn all about them and we just seem like we have this unbreakable bond and somehow thT bond gets broken and crushed. When I was in kindergarten I had Guinee. I don't remember much about her but I know we had that bond. I moved away and we never spoke again. Some friends, huh? When I was in first grade I had Logan. He was probably the only thing I remember from my childhood. We literally played every single day. He was a ray of sunshine. We always caught a bunch of caterpillars in the woods and we swam and played on the slip and slide. We sled down the driveway when it was summer. It was amazing. Then I moved away and I never saw him again. I don't remember his last name or I would find him on facebook. Third grade I had Brandon but now he's a huge dick, it's strange how people change. Fourth grade I had Emily. I was the worst best friend to her. I was always mean to her but she was still my best friend. I finally realized how terrible I was when I saw her again in seventh grade and she gave me a fake phone number but when I got a real number from other people she told me to never call again. In fifth, sixth, and seventh grade I had Lizzie. None of that matters now cause she hates me. I don't even know why. Eighth grade I had Amber. She's a great person but we don't talk much anymore cause she moved in with her mother. I haven't seen her since last July. In ninth grade I had Aaron. That was a huge mistake. He's a dick to me now. Then there was Alex. The single most greatest friend I have ever had. We shared secrets. We made fun of all the people who thought we were friends with them. We judged who the biggest whores in school were. We had classes together and we always got yelled at for talking so much. We shared our personal thoughts and told each other every little thing that we each did over the weekend and who he kissed and what me and Kevin did and everything. We cried together. I told him eveything. I even got multiple hugs everyday. He was the best. He was Greek. Maybe all Greeks are that amazing. He was hilarious and sweet and complimented me. Then there was that incident at the end of last year. His aunt made him leave to this weird private school in Oklahoma. I didn't heard from him for a year. His birthday was the first day of school and I was so excited to see him and share what we did over the summer, but he was gone. I didn't know where he went. His sister was still at school though. I thought something happened. Then about five months ago he showed up at school and I saw him in the doorway of my sewing class trying to get my attention. I ran up to him and gave him the biggest hug and I started crying. He was alive. It was like he fell off the face of the earth. We walked around for a while until he had to leave. He told me he was going back to Oklahoma at the end of the week and he didn't know when he would be back. We made plans to call each other. We talked a few times on the phone and we even made plans to hang out on Friday before he had to leave. Then on that Friday I called about thirty times literally. No answer any time. He had left early and I never got to see him. I haven't seen him siince that day in school and I have a feeling that I will never see or talk to him again. I was so mad, I ripped up his number to try and forget him instead of having that constant reminder that I got stood up. But the truth is is that I will never forget about him. He was the most amazing friend that I will ever have. There will never be another Alex. I've had dreams about him and ive been crying every night for the last week. I miss him so much. Its almost as if he died. When he left he took a piece of me with him and I will never forget him. Right now I guess Taylor is my best friend but he will never be alex. I've been having a hard time trying to realize that though. We've been best friends all year and guess what? No hugs. How can he be my best friend if he doesn't hug me? That's insane. Taylor is like a different life form. He shuts off all emotions and doesn't open up to no one. I wish he would realize that he can trust me and open up to me. He can show me his feelings. I know he will never show me he has emotions though. I don't even know what he considers me. It's like I'm just his best friend's girlfriend. Or just a friend. I dint want to be just a friend. I want to be his best friend that he tells everything to. I want him to be my Alex. I want daily hugs and I want to make fun of our friends with him. I want him to cry in front of me like Alex did. I want him to hug me when I cry like Alex did. The truth is is that I dint want another best friend. I want Alex back. I want my best friend. Alex ruined all the other potential best friends for me. He was the best, and I'll never see him again.

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I had a dream last night that I actually had a thriving blog and I posted all the time. I guess that didn't come true...