Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Kevin Baby.

Remember the last story of Kevin? Yeah well here's another(: So tomorrow is the Lock In.....(: We're superrrr excited about it cause we get to hang out for nine hours(: Back to the story though. So yesterday we were texting all day (of course) and he randomly asked me if he can be honest with me. Obviously my heart started racing and I told him sure go ahead(: Then he sent me this text saying "Well we have only been talking a few days and I'm starting to like you alot and I was wondering if you would go out with me?" It was so cute(: But what girl likes being asked out over text? I started asking him if that text is real and stuff and we started talking and stuff then I was honest with him and I sent him this really long message about how much I like him and stuff. He's a really shy and nervous guy so I asked him if he thinks he has the guts to ask me out at school today. He said stuff like yeah he can but he can't do it around my friends (adds pressure) We decided that he would ask me out again today :D I was so freaking happy(: I'm pretty sure we all know what my answer was gonna be ;) I just didn't want to be asked out over text. So I planned this whole thing out that night about how I'm gonna say yes. I thought we would be in a classroom during lunch sitting down and stuff. nope. He asked me out at the very beginning of lunch right in the middle of the hall. He's so unpredictable(: lol. Well then after that I threw down my binder and my purse and stuff and I hugged him. It was soooo cute! I said yes while we were hugging (: Then we stood there hugging for like 5 minutes. literally. And what do you know, Whitley was standing there staring at us the whole time. Haha(: Well then we went to the room with all my friends. Nobody told me what the first day of going out is like. I always thought it'd be something like "hey" "hi" "how are you?" "good" "that's good" Well I never had an actual serious boyfriend before. I mean, Yeah I've dated like 6 guys, but none of them took it seriously. Kevin, on the other hand, when we went walking with Whitley to the locker he put his arm around my waste and I put mine around his(: Wasn't expecting that one ferr suree. Then we walked into the computer lab just like that (That's where all his friends hang out and stuff) We got stared at by everyone there. It was freaky. I loved it(: We went back to the room after that and we sat on the desks like we all do at lunch. Everyone was just talking and being crazy and stuff. Then he randomly layed his head on my shoulder. Then He wrapped his arms around my tummy. Wow(: I was sure that my heart was gonna burst right out of my chest. Whitely took pictures(: They're soo cute! Dudeee.... Kevin smells so good! He's adorable. He's says and does thee cutest things! He's so random though(: You'll never know what he does next. I love him so much(: 3-31-10(:

Monday, March 29, 2010

Falling in Love.

Falling in love is such an easy thing to do.

So there's this boy....
Okay so the funny thing is, is that about a week ago my sister tried to hook me up with this dude and it didn't work. lol But yesterday he put his number on Facebook so I texted him saying "Its not safe to put your number on Facebook, Creeps might text you :P" and we've been texting literally non stop since. He's the sweetest little thing! He goes to my school and I never really acknowledged his existence until now. He's a sophomore and I'm a freshman. We've been asking each other questions about ourselves and I really know soooo much about him. In only a day! He's superrrr nice! He's always being a sweetheart to me and telling me nice things and stuff(: He's really funny too! When I'm texting him I get butterflies and When I look at my phone and it says 'One unread message from Kevin' I get all excited and get that bubbly feeling and almost scream his name(: Today at school was so amazing. He wanted to hang out with me at lunch but we were both superrr nervous. Whitley stalked him down and basically dragged him into the room we were all in. Wow she has the guts that I wish I had(: Today we had our first in person conversation and it was great. He was nervous so he didn't talk much but when he did it was amazing(: He gives off this aura of "Stay away from me" But when he's texting he's not nervous so his aura completely flips. Tomorrow will probably be better cause now we're more used to each other(: He's texting me now and he's all excited to hang out with me tomorrow :D wow he's great. He keeps giving me that bubbly feeling. The best way to stop loving somebody is start loving somebody else. At this rate he's gonna make me fall for him <3> bunches of stuff in common(: Did I mention that he's superrr cute? Well he is(: We keep flirting while texting. lol its fun(: Okay so this Thursday is the day before spring break. My school is doing this huge event called the "Lock In" It starts at 9 PM and it ends at 6 AM. Overnight party in the school. Well Kevin asked if I was going but I said no cause I don't think any of my friends are going. He told me that I should go so that we can hang out(: So I asked my parents and I might be able to go! (: but I'm super nervous because I've never spent that much time with a guy and he really wants to hang out with me. This should be good right? Well I'll blog about it on Friday(: Stay tuned! :DDD

Thursday, March 25, 2010

My best friends.

My friends are my life. Literaly! They mean everything to me. And Imma tell you a little about them (cause I know some of them will be reading this) But the only really important ones are the best ones. First of all their is Amber. She is the closest person to me. She seriously knows everything about me. I tell her the secrets that I can't tell the others. She accepted me from the start and we've been best friends since. She's so amazing ly funny. I spend weeks at her house and I'm still not tired of it! I wanna live there. Her mom loves me and she wants to adopt me but my parents won't let her. lol. Amber is really nice. She will joke around though but the fun kind of joking around(: She is a hugggeeee pervert! But of course, in the funny way. I love how we're never mad at eachother and she doesn't judge me unlike all the others. She moved in with her mom at the begining of the school year but not too far so every chance I get I go over there(: When she moved, she taught me how to stand on my own two feet. She gave me the confidence I needed to help me through my freshmen year (cause we all know how hard it is to start high school) I absolutly love their family. They so nice! And wayyy exciting! You never know what's gonna happen next cause her younger sister is a juvinile delinquint. But I love them all(: though I could live without her chihuahua attacking me every time I go over there. I love you girl!.....Okay, Then there's Whitley. Whitley's the type where she will be friends with anybody unlike Amber who trys to stay out of friendship (I'm the exception(: ) She has so many friends so its hard to talk when she's around all of us. But she's really nice(: She's a perv too but Amber is a much bigger perv. haha. Somehow I seem to attract pervs cause all my friends are pervs! I've only spent the night at her house twice but its fun(: Ha, all we do is sit around, text, and sleep. I don't really like having friends over to my house cause my parents are psychos. Whitley and I went through Marching Band season together(: We decorated our Clarinets and ticked off all of the skanks in band(: It was fun! But next year she might be joining the stupid color gaurd so that blows.... She's really funny(: but tick her off and your dead! We're trying to fill a wall in her room of my drawings and poems(: Its wicked(: haha. I love you Wit! Then there's Aaron. He's unlike any other guy. He's super sweet! He's sooooo freaking nice. He can seriously make anybody laugh, anytime, no matter what mood they're in. He's amazing. Okay. There's Michaela. She's really nice(: She makes me laugh. She's funny (and a perv) and she's got some crazy long curly hair! Its so pretty! She's a good friend(: And she's single boys ;) Then There's Crystal. Crystal is like genius smart! She gets really good grades and she's nice but she can be mean. She gets ticked at me alot but we always seem to get over it. She's got some crazy hair! crazy as it crazyy!!! Then there's Bridget. She's kinda weird (in the good way) She's so little. lol. She's pretty and nice(: not much of a perv though. We don't talk as much as we used to but that's because nowadays I hang out with Aaron at lunch. There's Mariah. She's really quiet and don't talk much but she's always giggling and smiling. Creep. Haha jk. There's Tristin. She doesn't live in the same state as me. We met on runescape about 3 years ago and been besties since(: We text alot and she is gorgeous(: She keeps changing her hair but change is good. She's really nice and I wish I could know her in person. She makes me laugh alot. She can be moody at times because she's bipolar but it makes things interesting. She told me her life story and its really sad. I won't say it on here cause its personal. Welp.... Those are my besties(: The first 3 are my Best Best Best friends though(: Amber, Whitley, And Aaron. I'd take a bullet for them. Well.... maybe not in the head but in the leg or something..... haha :D My friends are what make me, me. I love you guys!

Wednesday, March 24, 2010


Okay so here's the thing. I'm a Freshmen in high school and I have no clue what I want in my future. We keep doing lame career surveys in school and its just making me even more confused. Of course I used to have huge plans. I went through the veterinarian phase. Then there was the dog groomer. Then there was a photographer. Then there was a chef. But honestly I don't know what to do. No jobs suits me at all. I'm not a leader, I can't good, I hate kids, I'm not smart, I'm not good with computers, I can't clean, I have a fear of talking to people I don't know, I'm not good with animals, I can't farm, I can't be a house wife, I'm not good at science, math, english and especially social studies, I can't dance, I can't dance, I hate politics, I can't work in quiet, I can sing but lets grab ahold of reality and take it for a ride, shall we? You need money to be famous. Sure, Everybody wants to famous at some point in their life but not me. I wanna stay out of that drama. Plus being rich is too cliche. Rich people are all snobby and stuck up. (sorry for my steroetyping) I can draw but I can't make a future out of that. And guess what else? I don't enjoy the ideal of college. Honestly I detest it. I don't wanna go to college. When I tell people that they always say "oh thats okay you have 3 more years to decide" but every single one of my friends know what they want to do when they're older. Its make me feel pressured into having to think of what to do. Well I'm tired of thinking about it cause There isn't a job that matches my personality. And I WILL NOT have a job that I don't enjoy. I mean, Whats the point in working all day and coming home feeling like crap? I want to have pride in what I do. But theres the whole college thing..... I don't wanna go. End of story. But seriosuly.... What can I do that I'll like? The one question I fret to answer because the answer is unknown and that one question determines my future.


She's trying hard to keep her sane,
She's gently smiling to hide the pain,
They see somethings wrong but they don't ask,
Cause she's a liar behind a mask,

The blade sits coldly beneath her bed,
She says she won't stop until she's dead,
Make up covered scars lie on her wrist,
She doesn't realize that she'd be missed,

Bloodshot eyes from all the crying,
She says she's fine but she's just lying,
She plays with the blade like its a toy,
Seeing all the blood fills her with joy,

She carves the word lies into her arm,
She wants to die but she means no harm,
Stabs the blade in and her wrist won't bend,
She has sliced the vein and its the end,

She is dead and buried in her lies,
She had left without and goodbyes,
A note there but her spirit will go,
She was just another lonely EMO.

I hate you.

I Hate you,
Your nothing in my eyes,
I'm not gonna shed another tear,
You've ruined enough of my life,
I can't take it no longer,
It's either you or me,

Kill me,
Kill me now,
I can't do it by myself,
I don't have the guts,
My actions are hidden,
On my wrist,

Theres blood everywhere,
Though it is not mine,
Is it yours?
Did I do it?
Did I kill you?
It's all over the floor,
Your body's cold,
Your throat is slit,
My emotions are hidden,
Beneath this smile,
The trouble's done,
I won't need to shed another tear,
I hate you

I need you.

I need you,
I need you to look at me,
The same way you used to,
I need you,
I need you to tell me,
I'm at least your friend,
I need you,
I need you to talk to me,
As much as you used to,
I need you,
I need you To finally realize,
You mean everything to me,
I need you,
I need you to stop pushing me away,
When I need you the most,
I need you,
I need you to finally realize,
That I'm in love with you


I wanna be the girl,
Where all eyes are on me,
And I won't be scared,
I wanna be the girl,
Where I can wake up in his arms,
And I won't be nervous,
I wanna be the girl,
Where I can be who I want,
And I won't be judged,
I wanna be the girl,
Where I can say things at the wrong time,
And I won't be embarrased,
I wanna be the girl,
Where I can fall in front of everyone,
And I won't get laughed at,
I wanna be the girl,
Who has the confidence to do anything,
I want to have the confidence,
To be me......

I must die.

Devestation encounters me,
With all its gleaming fears,
Sadness evokes me,
With all its screaming tears,
The wrath of life summons upon me,
It senses the end is near,
You have not felt my torment,
My life must end here,
I yearn for death,
But suicide is not the way,
Just push me off a cliff,
My body with decay.......

You Poser.

That look in your eyes,
It holds a million lies,
The way you smile at me,
The way you let me be,
How you live without a care,
How your never in despaire,
That way you try to impress,
That way you always dress,
Lies, Lies, Lies.

The way you keep your hair,
The way you'd do any dare,
When you flunk out of school,
When you try to be cool,
Why girls are all over you,
Why you don't care what they do,
How you can be such a man whore,
So now tell me,
What are you living for?
Lies, Lies, Lies.
You Poser.


So I'm sitting here at the computer bored like crap. And I'm pretty sure if you have a myspace or facebook (or both) you probably realize that it gets boring after awhile. Of course though at the begining its all fun and exciting cause its something new but once you've sat there and just kept pressing "HOME" to see if you have something new, you finally begin to realize that nobody's gonna send you anything. And then there's the thing on myspace that when you get something new a (1) appears next to your inbox and once you see it your all excited and everything....till you realize it was just an App notification. That sucks. And then on facebook you can't even customize your own profile. Its all colorless and boring. You can join really funny like "The man who discovered milk....What was he doing with that cow?!?" and "Its been like 12 years, That rabbit deserves some freaking Trix already!" But whats the point of those? You laugh, You join, And you never look at them again. I don't even bother with Twitter. It sounds lame to me. I was trying to think of something new to do on the computer.... Not a game like Evoy or Runescape. Or a video thing like youtube and veoh. But something where I can post my thoughts and poetry (and opinions) I post my poetry on my myspace but lets be realistic.....Who bothers to look at your myspace blog? plus those can only reach your friends and I want a bigger audience than that. Of course there's always the chance that nobody will read this.... But it makes me feel good to type out all this. And with this post, I start my blogging!