Thursday, June 23, 2011



It's been a while since I last posted, which I feel bad about. I'm sorry. I'm not sure what I last posted about.

This time, I'm just gonna mope around on this post.

I'm kinda depressed right now. I'm turning 16 in 16 days. Like every other normal sweet 16 person, I want a party. Unfortunately, I can't have a party. Wanna know why? I'm lame! I have no friends. I have a couple, but eh. I can't have a party for 3 people. I have Kevin of course, and Amber. Maybe Alex but I have no way to contact him. Pancake, I also have no way to contact him. Kevin's family are more of my family than friends so yeah... I can't party with my grandma on my 16th birthday. That's stupid. My original plans were to go to the beach waterpark with Kevin. But I hate going to swimsuit places with him. IT makes me uncmfortable. How do I know he's not checking them out or staring at their tits? I look terrible in a bathing suit cause it's a one piece with no clevage. I hate my stomach so I never show it. We all know how guys are around bikini babes. So those plans got shut down cause I really don't feel like feeling insecure on my own birthday that's supposed to be all about me. I trust him, I really do. But he says he's "Looking at them in disgust". He says he only has eyes for me so he shouldn't be looking at them in the first place, but he still looks at them. Which that make me feel like crap also. I'm just having a terrible week.
1. I can't do crap for my birthday.
2. I almost lost Amber as a friend.
3. Kevin says he likes my old emo bangs better than my newest bangs that I think fits me a whole lot better.
4. Kevin says he always look at girls.
5. I keep thinking about me dying and about how he'll probably remarry if I die and I hate that idea.
6. I keep thinking about how gross I am.

I feel like my love life is down the drain. I feel like some hot girl is gonna come and steal Kevin away from me. I just feel like crap. He says stuff that really bugs me sometimes. I'm in a depressed mood. I wish I could scream, but I'm not gonna. I guess I just have to wait it out. Maybe Kevin will say cute stuff to me to make me cheer up. I just can't help but wanna cry when I think of him looking at other girls. I always tell him not too, but he does it anyways. And he wonders why I always feel insecure. Huh. I just want to be treated like a princess like any girl should. Oh well. Life's a bitch.

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