Freshmen Year.

With only 4 days of school left, I figured I should probably write about how my school year went.

When I first started High School, I was scared. I was scared about my very best friend switching schools and leaving me behind. I thought that I couldn't get by without her. Then when I started I made a few new friends. I still had some old friends: Maria, Bridget, Mariah, and Kelsey. I would eat lunch with them everyday. I liked this guy named Aaron since the beginning of 8th grade. I made some new friends: Crystal, Whitley, Michaela, and Aaron. I knew them before that but they then became my best friends. My other friends kind of drifted. Sometimes I would talk to Maria and Mariah every now and then. Then a little later, I met a boy. His name was Alexander Mikael Campbell. Its embarrassing to say but, I met him on an online game called Arcanists. We became friends and became a little close and I learned alot about him because we would play 5 million questions with each other. Then we started texting and stuff... And what do you know, on October 18th we became boyfriend and girlfriend. I thought it was the best thing ever. Alex and I were complete opposites. We thought it was a good thing. Me and him always fought and argued about stupid crap. He called me babe and I called him baby. His mom hated my guts. She hated how I lived in Ohio and he lived in Tennessee but we were together. I always got him in trouble by yelling at him mom alot. She also couldn't stand that I was Atheist. Alex and his family were pure Catholic. They went to church every Sunday and Wednesday. It sucked. Alex would always talk about god but then when I mentioned one little thing about Atheism he would always be all like "Whatever. I don't need you. I'm not texting you for a couple days" Sometimes he would be real sweet. Other times, not so much. Alex always talked about other girls. He always talked about this girl named Alexis. He knew I got jealous easily, and yet he would still talk about her. Alex knew how much I thought emo guys were hott. So me and Amber played a little trick on him... We made up a person. His name is Jake McCarthy. He is 16, has snake bites, and is completely in love with me. When me and Amber told him that, he got jealous for the first time. He literally freaked out. Plus every time I would go over to Amber's I would tell him how Jake is always there and we both sleep out in the living room. I stay up til about 4 in the morning texting Alex when I'm at Amber's house and I would tell him how me and Jake are playing Truth or Dare. Of course the whole Jake thing was just a joke. Then it got a little far. Amber has this wig that made it look like she had spiky pimped out emo hair. We put it on her, and drew snake bites on her with eye liner. Wow. She looked so realistic. I took and picture with my phone and sent it to him. Alex got ticked off. It was super funny. That's what he got for always making me jealous with talking about other girls. Anyways, Alex did do one good thing for me though. He knew that I thought emo guys were hott. One day we were talking and he had told me that he thinks girls with emo hair that goes over one of their eyes are really pretty. So when he got grounded for two weeks, I went out and got a hair change. I got emo bangs. It looked amazing on me. and I started wearing dark emo makeup and started straightening my hair everyday. That was a super big influence in my year. Everyone started treating me different. Guys started to actually check me out. I got asked out alot. More people talked to me. I felt alot more confidence in myself. Then there was the incident with Maria. I had known Maria since second grade. We were pretty close. Then she got this really mean boyfriend. I told her that I hated him and that he needs to go kill himself. Yeah, That ticked her off. long story short, She's a whore, He dumped her, And me and her aren't friends anymore. Maria and me went to homecoming that month and then I went and spent the night at her house. Homecoming was fun, except that I can't dance, and I didn't have a date. At this point, my best friends were Amber, Whitley, Crystal, Michaela and Alex. things with me and Alex were a Roller Coaster. Me and Whitley were best band buddies. Me and her had decorated our Clarinets together. They were tricked out Mo Fo's. We got cussed out alot by the upper classmen in the band though because they wanted everybody in the band to look the same. So they went and vandalized our Clarinets. I went home and re tricked mine out. They did it again. I re did it. They did it again. I re did it. Then at that point I was furious so I learned to just keep it in my locker now instead of in the band room with all the other instruments. Me and Whitley had our fights here and there but we would always make up. Then I started to realize that I still liked Aaron. I tried giving him up when I met Alex but I guess it didn't work. Aaron was one of my best friends who I hung out with at lunch everyday. Whitley finally talked me into breaking up with Alex to try and get with Aaron. That didn't last. i spent that whole day crying. Then I sent Alex this 3000 character message telling him how much he means to me and how I promise to never break his heart again and how I want him back. I got him back. I put his name back in my Clarinet too. Band season went great. It was super fun. And now this year I don't have to put up with the snobby Seniors who boss us around. Anyways, My grades were terrible. I started not to even care or try and I got in the habit of not doing any work. I began failing my classes and stuff. Then I stopped eating lunch at school. Me and Alex were still on that Roller Coaster. I felt like a whore because at school I would be all over Aaron, But when I got home I would be all over Alex. I made some more new friends at school in other grades and stuff. They weren't close friends but still friends. My grades were still slipping. Band was still fun even though then is was Concert Band and Pep Band. And I began to get really into French. A little bit after winter break I started Gauging my ears. I was at Amber's house and we had went to the mall. I bought A size 14 and a size 12 Gauges. Of course Alex had to cuss me out over them cause he hates gauges. It took me two hours to get the 14's in that night to start gauging. My ears hurt like hell for a good 3 days. Then 6 days later I put in the 12's. They didn't hurt... Until after I put them in. I kept them in for about 3 weeks then I bought my next sizes of 10 and 8. I had the 10's in for a day. It didn't hurt enough. So I put in the 8's. My sister's friend started giving me her gauges. She gave me a bunch of 6's, 4's and a pair of 2's. I put in a pair of 6's. Then a couple weeks with those in, I went to a hotel for my twin cousin's birthday. One of my cousin's dads found out about my gauges and told my dad that night. The next morning he flipped out on me and told me that i better get rid of them. So then, I would put them in at night, Keep them in at school, then I would take them out when i get home and do it all over again. Then a few weeks later I lost the back to my 6's. I then put in my 4's. FUCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!! That freakin hurt!!!!! They bleed constantly for a week. It was like having a period in my ear lobes. But then it eventually stopped bleeding. and it smelt bad XD lol. So then I broke up with Alex on our 5 month. I was sick and tired of dealing with him. And I tried to go after Aaron for a week or two. Yeah I just gave up. I stopped loving him. He would never love me back. Until then he told me he likes me but then it was too late. My friends were still amazing as always. Alex hated me, I hated him, We haven't spoken since. And I'm happy now(: My grades kept slipping.... And then I met him. I was on Facebook one day stalking people's profiles. Then I went onto this 10th grader's profile. I thought he was cute. lol. Well one of his moods had his cell phone number in it.... So I then texted him and told him "It's not safe to put your number on facebook. Creepers might text you :P" and then we became friends. We played 5 billion questions with each other and I learned alot about him. Turns out he's like the guy version of me X] So we met up on Monday at school for the first time. Well.... That was awkward.... He didn't day anything at lunch and just stared at the floor.... Then when school ended it was like a whole different person. So outgoing and funny. Then we tried that again on Tuesday at lunch. He talked a little more(: I actually saw him smile. He has an amazing smile! But yeah. I really started to like him. Then that night he asked me to be his girlfriend. I made him ask me in person on Wednesday :P And I said yes. That was a great day. He's just the sweetest little thing. He's not little. He's like an inch taller than me (if that) but he is 16. He really amazes me. Then on Thursday is was the last day of school before spring break. The newspaper staff had this event at the school called the Lock In. Its a thing where you stay at the school from 9 pm to 6 am. That was really amazing. I had my very first kiss with Kevin at 5:04 am. I am completely head over heals, in love with Kevin Anthony Dehner II. 3.31.10 <3> better. I was extremely happy with him. He's always by my side making me laugh and smile. His kisses leave me breathless. Then my dad found out about my size 4 gauges that I had in and I had to take them out. Now they are in my secret hiding spot in my Gauges stash (I have alot) and I'll re gauge them eventually. Then I went over to his house during Spring break for the first time to meet his family. I met his mom, dad, uncle, grandma, and grandpa. They all love me(: They are extremely nice and they spoil Kevin cause he's an only child. lol. But then I went over to Kevin's house a couple more times and stuff. Now I'm going over there alot every week and spending all day with him at his house on Saturdays. We have fun(: I feel so comfortable around Kevin now. He truly is my best friend. We keep making plans for the future and stuff. It's great. Nobody can determine the future but its always good to plan ahead. Me and Kevin are so close now. It's been a little over 2 months and we have never fought or argued. I love the hickeys he gives me(: Especially the most recent one. He bit so hard into my neck that I started bleeding. Now it looks extremely painful but feels so good. Me and my best friends are drifting apart. Michaela now hates me, Whitley and I keep fighting, Mariah doesn't even talk, Aaron's just a whore, And me and Crystal are okay. I'd choose Kevin over them any day though. He makes me happy, They tick me off. He makes me smile, They make me cry. I hang out with him so much, I barely talk to them. The only close friend who is still really close to me is Amber. She's always been there for me. My Freshmen year has been extremely eventful for me. I've learned that you have to love and you have to lose. Friends aren't forever. Follow my heart. Go by my own rules. Confidence is key. Guys will come and go, But the true one will stay. Pain is just weakness leaving the body. Cutting yourself solves nothing. Gauges hurt extremely bad. Back talking to your parents gets you grounded. Be nice to your boyfriend's parents. Brush your teeth everyday. Straightening your hair damages it. Stuff in school spreads fast. Keep secrets hidden, Tell no one. Crying helps nothing. And to be true to myself. I will always remember my freshmen year. I had rough times, I had good times. I had friends, I had boyfriends. I loved and I lost.And I will be crying my eyes out the last day of school. I don't want school to end but I have to move on to be a Sophomore. Who knows, Maybe it'll be good. Maybe summer won't suck as bad as I think it will. Maybe my life will slowly get better. Maybe me and Michaela will make up. Maybe my friends will become close. Maybe me and Kevin will last a long time.

Maybe. Just maybe.

I just have to keep wishing at 11:11 every night.
I just have to keep wishing on every shooting star.
And I have to keep my head held high and my tears away.
I guess I have to get older. I guess I have to be a Sophomore. I guess I'll keep getting yelled at and punished. I guess I'll have to get my hair cut eventually. I guess I just have to enjoy myself.

I hope the best for all the incoming Freshmen. They have a road of hell coming to them.

I hope my world sheds some sunshine in my life soon.